"Here in Israel, we take off just the trousers."

When I was at our local health clinic last week, getting my prescription for antibiotics, I nudged Guy as we stood at the counter, reminding him that I needed to make an appointment for my yearly pap-smear and gynecological exam.  Since he's the native Hebrew speaker, it was easier for him to initiate the conversation with the kind receptionist (yes, the one who knows Ima Shula!).  Now that I have insurance here it seemed like the right time to go ahead and do it.  From there I started conversing with her in English and asked if she could please send me to a female gynecologists, which has always been my preference.  I know there are lots of women out there who always would rather go to a male but I started out by going to my mother's female gynecologist way back when so why change now.  She laughed out loud and informed me that their are not many female gynecologists here.  Hmmm.  Okay.  So I guess I will go to a male.  I joked that I hoped he was at least good looking.  I don't even know why I said that.  I am happily married and really couldn't care less about how the doctor looks.  I just wanted him to do a good job and be gentle.

In the back of my mind, I was still considering the fact that I have been off birth control for the past 4 months.  This would be the time to get pregnant if any.  But Guy and I have always agreed that we weren't going to have kids.  We were pretty darn emphatic about it as a matter of fact.  But I guess turning 35 in December started to have it's effect on me.  Additionally, this country is all about family and pro-creating.  To meet people without children is pretty rare.  Also recently I started babysitting for a 5 month old little boy that (hopefully this is not too much information for you) kind of makes my uterus do flips when I'm around him.  Not all the time, of course.  But I definitely have the urge to make a little guy like him.  Then add to that the fact that 99% of the people I know who are around my age have babies or toddlers of their own.  You can definitely say that I have been struck by baby fever.

Convincing my darling husband of the same is not so easy.  He doesn't have a uterus or ovaries or breasts.  He just can't possibly know what it's like to have the ability to create and carry a new life inside you.  But he's warming up to the idea slowly.  He has lots of reasonable arguments against this new idea of mine and is happy to share them with people when they ask. 

After he accompanied me to my appointment today and saw how upset I was afterward, he got a bit of a wake up call.  I don't bug him about it all the time.  Not at all.  But it comes up pretty often.  I've been a reader of lots of natural parenting blogs for years for some bizarre reason.  And now I think it's all starting to cave in on me.

I know this is supposed to be a bead blog.  Sorry for the interruption.


Every year since I was 18, I have had a yearly pap-smear.  This is what is recommended by most doctors in the United States.  I have lived in many different places across the States and have always been advised to do this on a yearly basis.  How else are you going to get a prescription for birth control pills if you don't visit every year?  I guess it's a rule made up by the insurance companies and the birth control manufacturers, though, because when I got to my appointment today and the doctor asked me when was my last pap-smear, he was impressed that I've had one every year for the past 17 or so years.  I asked what is normal here in Israel.  He said once every two to three years.  This is where I started to feel a bit ignorant and sheltered.  I have conversations here with lots of women but this detail have never actually come up. 

My health insurance through the job I was laid off from last year (in New York) was still available to me before we moved to Israel but their was a minor detail I had forgotten about as I tried to make an appointment back then for a yearly exam before coming here: you are only allowed one visit per year and my time had not come up.  When I called my local gynecologists office, the woman told me that it's not time yet for my yearly.  I explained to her that I was leaving the country and could they just make an exception, so that I could get a prescription for birth control for another few months while we sorted things out in Israel.  She said no problem but I would have to pay out of pocket.  Of course I didn't opt to do that.  I took this news as a sign that maybe it was the time to take a break from birth control pills for awhile.  And though Guy and I had always agreed that we were not going to have any children, the thought of me turning 35 soon lingered in my brain and I started turning the idea over in my mind. 

So here I am - 4 months of birth control pills and have been tracking my cycles each month.  I even know when I'm ovulating.  Either I'm super bored or for some reason have decided to take my fertility into my own hands.  It's true that it fascinates me a bit to know how it's all working.  And I think it's also true that I'm concerned that I've only got a few more good years to make this happen if I really want it.

Let's go back now to my appointment today and why I got so upset.  I left the office very shaky and fell into Guy's arms, trying to hide the fact that I was about to burst into tears.  I can't put my finger on the reason for this, but let me share with you some of the possible factors:

Doctor's offices and clinics here are not very glamorous.  Their are no special parking spaces for the doctor and his BMW or Range Rover.  Doctors here are not paid enormous amounts of money for what they do.  I'm still learning about the way things work here.  I don't know their actual salaries, but I'm pretty sure it's not like in the States.  I actually admire this in some ways.  I'm sure it depends on which doctor you go to, there's got to be some of them out there with cushy couches and lovely plants in their waiting room.  What difference should that make to the patient anyways?  Why does health care need to be glamorous?  I guess I just got spoiled over the years.  The dermatologist I used to go to when we lived in New York City had a waiting room that had to have been decorated by an interior designer.  Even the doctors I've been to in the boonies of upstate New York had some level of fanciness to them.  I don't remember sitting in those waiting rooms wondering why it was like that.  I just enjoyed the comfort and tried to relax before my appointments. 

When we got to the clinic (it's actually a 4 story building with many, many offices, exam rooms, pharmacy, laboratory, etc.) we were directed to the third floor.  The receptionist there didn't waste any time on us.  She simply directed us to the ATM-like machine in the corner and told us to swipe our insurance card with the magnetic strip.  Pretty efficient!  There are not many receptionists sitting around in offices there.  It's kind of a do it yourself thing.  You swipe.  They compare your name with the appointment and out pops a receipt, with a number printed on it.  We had to wait until #1472 was called.  They were on 1458 when we got there.  No biggy.  I was fine and kind of having fun observing the way things ran there. 

Israelis, if you are reading this, please forgive me for my ignorance!  They all know how things go and are used to it all.  Actually, maybe I should start asking people more questions about how they feel about the health care system here.  It's kind of hard when they don't have anything else to compare it with I guess.  In America, I know what it's like to have health insurance and to not have health insurance. 

I knew which part of the floor the doctor was on when I saw a few pregnant women sitting down at the end.  Guy is always impressed how quickly I can find my way around.  Sometimes it's like I'm the Israeli and he's the foreigner.  If you know him in real life, you can totally understand this! He can be a bit clueless at times but that's why we all love him.

So we wait and I tell Guy what it's like to have this type of exam.  He kind of giggles a little when I tell them they usually give me a breast exam.  Yes, he's 38 years old but sometimes is like a 14 year old.  Another reason why I love him.

My number gets called after about 20 minutes and I decide that I will go in on my own.  If the doctor's English is not so good, I will ask Guy to come in.  I don't remember if the doctor even looked up when I went in.  I don't think he did.  I'm not a celebrity or anything but I think it's just a nice thing to do to look at your new patient, even to just make sure she is a she and not a he.  Just to be sure I'm in the right place.  That's when I pretty quickly started to feel like just another number.  I think that is sad.  It felt like the doctor would rather just pack up his stuff, change his clothes and head off to the golf course, or wherever it is.  Because I could sense that he certainly did not want to be there.

He starts speaking in Hebrew and I try to catch on but when it starts getting away from me, I ask him if he speaks English.  He says yes but very little, in a Russian accent.  I believe a lot of doctors here are Russian.  Just a fact of life and immigration here.  Maybe the Israeli doctors are specialists who have cushy offices somewhere?  If I belonged to a better HMO would I get a native Israeli who smiled and made me felt welcome in his office?  Maybe.  Of course when I ask Guy these questions he's just as clueless as me.  He hasn't lived here since 1992.

The doctor asks me a string of questions in rapid succession.  When was my last period? Have I had any gynecological problems?  Am I allergic to any medication?  You know, the normal stuff.  He asked me what type of birth control I am using.  I told him I've been off the pill for four months.  He said are you planning on getting pregnant?  That question has been ringing in my ears for months now and I think I actually had a twitch in my neck and face when he asked me.  I felt like I was sitting in the principals office after having done something wrong.  I can't understand why.  I just did.  So I told him yes.  I have been thinking about it.  Which then lead him into some other questions.  It was very fast and very ... very ... I don't know.  Just as if I was talking to a computer.  About what my future plans are for reproduction. 

Writing this blog post feels more intimate to me, even though I'm technically talking to a computer.  But I know there are people, friends, family, old classmates, old co-workers, people I don't even know that might read this and can relate.  Why else do we blog?  

What did I want?  For a mountain of balloons and streamers to fall down on me when I blurted out that yes, the woman who had been resisting pregnancy for 14 years, even though she is madly in love with her soul mate and adores the ground he walks on, is thinking that she is ready to take the plunge?  Am I an idiot for setting myself up for this?  Maybe I should have waited until after I was feeling completely back to myself (pneumonia!) before going on this visit?

Next he tells me that I should be taking folic acid for three months before conception.  And of course I'm beating myself up inside for not thinking of this myself.  I've know this fact for years, that folic acid can help prevent birth defects.  I have actually glanced at the vitamins in shops but never went all the way and purchased a bottle.  I even did this when we lived in New York.  Now I'm coming clean! 

Then he tells me that I should get a sonogram of my uterus and ovaries to make sure they are in good shape for a pregnancy.  What? I've never heard of such a thing.  I'm guessing it's due to my age? I'm a healthy woman who's had healthy periods since menstruation began.  My face took on a look of confusion when he told me this but he didn't notice, because he was still staring at the computer screen and still treating me like just another number. 

Then he asks me if I'm Jewish. 

If I answered yes I don't know if he would have told me what he told me next: that I should go for genetic testing.  And what about Guy?  Does he go, too?  He's got a little to do with the potential baby...

I was in shock that he recommened this genetic testing but haven't had the chance to ask other mother's about this.  Is this the norm?  I felt like it was something he was telling me I had to do but now that I've been thinking about it for a few hours, I'm starting to think that this is what modern women demand.  Maybe he is so used to pushy women demanding all the bells and whistles available today that he just assumed, hey, she's American to boot, so she probably wants it all, too.

But I don't.  I don't want to be just another number in the hands of a doctor that has seen hundreds of thousands of pregnant or soon to be pregnant women in his office.  I want to feel like someone cares about what decisions Guy and I are making.  But sadly that seems to be the state of our world these days.  Or at least from my current point of view.  I know I'm naive and sensitive.  I know that I am.  And I think we all should be.  Every day we are here on this earth living and breathing is a blessing.  I guess having delayed this decision for 14 years kind makes me even more sensitive. 

I think I need to call Guy's cousin, who gave birth at her own home last year and is now pregnant with her second baby.  Maybe she can shed some light on this subject for me. 

Ok. So here's the funniest part of the vist:

He tells me after our short and very distant interview that we should do the exam so go in there and get ready.  He was a man of very few words.  I think he is probably the same no matter what language he is speaking.  So I make my way behind the curtain and look for a gown to put on.  No gown.  So I ask, "is there a gown?" and he says no.  Then I ask, "get completely undressed?" and he says yes.  So there I am in all my nakedness, sitting on the paper covered exam table.  Butt naked.  He asks from his desk, "are you ready?" and I say yes.  Then he appears from around the corner.  If I wasn't so damn emotional this next line would have cracked me up and made me laugh out loud but instead it made me want to crawl under the table and hide. 

When he saw me sitting butt naked on his table, he says, "here in Israel, we take off just the trousers."

Oh. 

Lovely.

I guess I didn't get the damn memo.

At this point my t-shirt was too far away to grab. 

My legs were already on their way into the stirrups .  Another moment where I felt like just another number.  He noticed that my legs were not in the stirrups yet and motioned for me to put them there, as if I was really bothering him by not doing what his 99 other patients did that day.  Then told me to slide down on the table some more.

I don't think I was ever so friggen embarresed in my entire life. 

He proceeds to quickly insert the plastic speculum and gets his sample (plastic and disposable, never saw that before).  It was over in less than a second.  I think it might have been the quickest pelvic exam I've ever had.  Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's particularly pleasurable to have someone poking around down there checking things out (well, unless it's your husband of course) ... He pressed on my abdomen a bit and told me to relax.  Yeah, because you, Doctor Nice, make me feel oh so relaxed. 

I told him that in America the doctor typically does a breast exam during the yearly visit.  He said oh, no, not here.  That is to be done by a breast specialist.  Hmmm... Ok.  So what is the breast cancer rate in Israel in comparison to in America?  Makes me wonder about a lot of things....

It was over and I got my clothes on licketysplit.  I got dressed so fast that I left my wallet on the counter top.  My wallet which had 1,000 shekels in it (around $250 US dollars) which was to be used for our grocery trip after the doctor appointment.  It wasn't until we got out of the building, down the street and into the car that I realized I had left it behind.

When I made my way back to the office, still in a tizzy over having taken off all my damn clothes, the wallet was luckily still there.  Waiting for me in the now darkened room.  Apparently I was his last patient and he was out of there as quickly as I was. 

I think another thing that threw me for a loop (as my mother would say) is that when I came outside and met Guy with all my papers (prescription for folic acid, referral for a sonogram, referral to get my thyroid levels checked), he saw the papers and asked if they were for the birth control pills. 

Boy oh boy we were not on the same page at all.

But now some good has come out of all this.  It opened up the dialog between us about what we are doing.  We had been on the same page for years about not having kids.  Lots of times he joked with me that if we were going to have kids we should be near more family (no offense to my family at all ... but Guy's mom is a born grandma.. I think she reserves 5 minutes a day to pray that we will have a baby someday) ... In America my parents were kind of nearby but we weren't actively involved in each other's lives.  My two sisters lived about 3 hours drive from us and my other siblings are scattered in other states.  Here, we have almost all of Guy's entire family, including extended family, within 30 minutes drive.  We also have most of his childhood friends nearby and most of them have lots of kids between them all.  It's a small country and people tend to stay near the center. 

I think over the past few months I have been dropping very vague hints to Guy but he wasn't hearing me.  He assumed ok, we're in Israel now... the baby thing is getting into Blanche's head a bit... but it will taper off eventually.  Now we're at a different place and still not certain what the heck lays in our future. 

Time will tell what happens next.... 

Pneumonia!

 

Guy cooking our first meal in the new house!

I've got pneumonia.  Never ever had it in my life but I guess there's a first for everything!  It started with a normal flu... feeling lethargic, fever, no appetite, chills, etc... Then after about 4 days, we decided I should probably go to the doctor.  That was Friday afternoon.  The dummies that we are, we didn't make an appointment so we had to wait until Sunday to go.  Good thing their is a doctor here in the moshav on most days and that Guy's parents arranged a nice little health insurance plan for me.  The doctor listened to my lungs for a split second and ordered a chest x-ray.  Of course this was in the afternoon so I had to wait til the next morning to go have that done.  Did that.  Went to pick up the results the next day.  Guy and our friends read the Hebrew transcript from the radiologist and didn't seem to find anything too alarming by it.  They even gave me a CD with the images on it!  Of course being that I'm not a radiologist, didn't see anything too alarming on the pics either.  Next day, go back to the doctor and he takes one look at the report and blurts out that I have pneumonia.  Mind you, I'm not feeling entirely horrible anymore.  So I guess it's what you would call 'walking pneumonia'.... In any case, my left ear 'popped' one day last week and ever since I haven't been able to hear anything out of it.  I also hear constant buzzing.  So once he decided this is what I have, he gave me two prescriptions for antibiotics.  Of course, this being Israel, and offices closing at a wide variety of hours (I got frustrated about this little factoid in the beginning but now I kind of respect it.  They don't seem so tied to the 40 hour work week here as they do in the states... but what do I know?) ... the pharmacy we needed to go to was already closed.  I couldn't go to any pharmacy because I didn't have my little magnetic strip insurance card yet....

Guy's got a new cabinet for his glass rods.  I decided to arrange them rainbow-like to inspire him to mix more colors.  Believe it or not, sometimes I think he's a bit color blind.  But aren't most men? 

yadda yaddda yaddddda ...

next day we go and pick up the card (the women at the desk knew us when we got there... 'ben shel shula?' is a common phrase around here... Guy's mother (Shula) has taught just about every kid in this region so everyone knows her.  She has also been a guide on lots of nature field trips over the years so even kids she hasn't taught know her.  And a lot of her past students have kids of their own now so they all know her.  She's well know in other words! ... Guy didn't like using that line to get some attention at offices here in the past but now he just blurts it out right away.. it's easier... shalom, ani guy, ben shel shula?? and they immediately get a smile on their face.  I'm not one for nepotism but hey, if it works, why not? 

The his and her towels his parents had made for us, waiting upon our arrival last September.  Embroidering towels and robes here is very normal.  I'm fascinated by it!  These ones say something to the effect of 'here's to a soft landing love mom and dad'.  Awwww.. It's one of the nicest gifts anyone has every given me actually!

So we get the card then wait in the pharmacy for the prescription.  I said to Guy as we were waiting, 'this isn't CVS, is it?' ... You take a number here to get served at the pharmacy.  It actually seems quite efficient to me.  Pharmacy's are in drug stores but they are also in clinics and hospitals which makes a lot of sense.  The more I'm here and the more I experience, I see that a lot of stuff makes good sense.  You know how it is in America, well for me at least... I would often criticize the way things worked as I was in the middle of certain situations.  Maybe it's just my own personality, but I've always been aware of things working well or not working well.  In America, the companies that run our local pharmacies, etc, just seem so darn big that nobody can have any real impact for change on them.

 

Yes, they have tampons here and they cost a pretty penny.  And yes, they have a whimsical take on toilet cleaning, too!  I just had to choose the floral toilet brush set! 

Maybe all this buzzing in my ears is leading me into strange thinking... Hey, what else am I gonna do while I'm laid up sick, resting my antibiotic filled body?  I'll tell ya... when you're sick at home for going on three weeks, the mind can go to some bizarre places!  There's only so much television you can watch, and only so much facebooking you can do and to be honest, I really don't have the energy, motivation or desire to do much of anything these days.  Yes, my husband is suffering in his own way as I get over this ...

 

A palm tree in my back yard

But as I paid a visit to one of my favorite blogs this morning (The Pioneer Woman) and read her hysterical writing, I thought to myself, why don't I do some writing, too?  I always liked to write in my diary as a teenager (wish I could read what I wrote back then!) ... I was a good little Catholic school girl so I'm sure I suppressed a lot of actual thoughts... writing down only what I thought people would want to hear. As if anyone was actually reading it ... there was no internet back then... am I rambling again?

 

This is one of the ways I'm learning to read Hebrew.  Subtitles appear on nearly every TV show here, no matter what language it's in.  So when I'm watching Ellen or Oprah for example, I try reading along in Hebrew. I'm still pretty slow though... reason to watch more television!

I haven't picked up the camera or flip video or barely even a bead in the past two weeks.  It's kinda sad but I'm accepting it at the same time.  I mean what else can I do? I can't magically make myself better?  I'm doing what I think I should be doing: resting, drinking lots of fluids and herbal teas, eating as much soup and healthy stuff that I can... the dogs are suffering, too.  They watch me lying in bed, coughing like a maniac and probably wonder in their little doggy minds what the heck happened to our mama?  But I did decide to take them for a long walk the other day.  I was zonked when I got home but it was nice to get out and see some new scenery.  I love it that we live here on the edge of the fields of the moshav.  It's just a short walk past a few houses before the land opens up and all I see is green.  I know I really need to cherish the green that is outside at the moment because when the heat of the summer starts to hit Israel, that green will turn to ugly, brown and gray with a thick coating of dust.  That's how it looked when we got here last September... So I'm not taking it for granted. 

 

Chillum enjoying the winter greens!

There are tons of birds here... Guy was helping out our friend Danny the other day on his organic vegetable farm.  He was plowing a section of the field for him.  Guy told me that the birds are not bothered one bit by the old, noisy tractor.  He said he'd be chugging along and the birds would just stand their waiting for him to turn over more land for them to pick through.  I guess they have learned to ignore the noise and realized there's more benefit if they stick around and let it do it's things.  Animals are so smart!

 

Taking pictures of myself on the couch before the dreaded sickness invaded my body!

How bout I insert a few pictures here to make it more interesting.  Like I said, I haven't picked up the camera in weeks... I did buy a nice black board so that I can photograph the beautiful beads better.... But that's collecting dust, waiting for Blanche to get better... As are a few people.. Including little baby Noam that I haven't been able to babysit for three weeks.  I heard from his mother that he also has pneumonia!  Poor little guy.  He's only 5 months old so it's got to be much harder on him than it is on me.  Well, as my adorable sister in law tells me, I will be soooooo much stronger when this is all over.  I go to sleep each night saying to myself, tomorrow I will be better... But then wake up with the same whinging and chest full of yuckiness. I've been taking the antibiotics since Thursday so I'm hoping they will start doing their thing pronto... This is getting really old...

 A night at one of the horse farms.. after a rainy day.  I love the light.